santa village video

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Just sad

We have 16 days till christmas. My mom still hasnt talked to me. I have emailed with no response. Would I do anything different absolutly not. Someone has to stand up for my brothers and fight for them. Do I wish she would see I was trying to help absolutly. Is that going to happen nope.
I am dreading christmas this year. I am waiting for it to turn around but I am not sure it will. My heart just aches. I ask my dad for guidence everyday but he just doesnt send an answer I am getting. I wish I had a crystal ball.

Not to mention one of my clients families have decided they dont need friday saturday care. so that changes my pay and means i am making less. I cant afford to make less right now. So now I am stressing about that. I am not sure what I will do.

Santas Village
Current mood: blessed


This weekend we went on an adventure. We had a blast. We went up north to NH. We stayed in Gorham at the Royalty Inn. It was the best experince we have ever had with a hotel. Talk about CLEAN!!!!!

The drive up was uneventful. It was gorgous. I so enjoyed just looking around at the lightly snow spotted mountins. We checked in and got everyone changed and ready for dinner. Right on cue Nate started with his fever. Great. Over to Crabby Jacks we went. 100 feet from our room door. Then Paul always thinking looked up walmart on his gps. What luck a mile away was super walmart. WOO HOO. meds for nate and drinks for the room. Didnt know they had mini fridges and microwave.

Get back and tuck everyone in to watch Drake and Josh's christmas specail. Really cute.

Kids wake at 5 am. Good lord must have been the napping in the car and a good nights sleep. so we put on toon toons and tried to finish sleeping. At 7 we are out the door to Crabby Jacks for breakfast. It is buffet style. Loved it. The food was great. We head back to the room and get showers and kids bundled. Next year ski pants for kids and thermals for the adults. It was cold. We left at 9 to go sight seeing. It was just pretty! I cant even begin to discribe the beauty up there. Still didnt see any moose but maybe next year.

1045 we arrive at santas village and get in the express line as we already have our tickets. We chatted with other families around us. You could just feel the christmas spirit around you. I really needed it that. This year things just didnt have its luster.Now I am in the mood :)We got in the first thing we went on was the carousel that was nothing but santas reindeer. Then over to the elfabet University. Had to get our stuff for the kids to do. We did all the rides we could. We ate at burgermeister for lunch. the food was excellent. We fed the reindeer. they are beautiful creatures. We had so much fun. The last ride of the night was santas monorail how gorgous the place was all lit up.

We were back to the hotel for pizza hut that night. We ordered a side of the mac and cheese pasta amazing you all need to try it. Off to bed. We got up got our breakfast yet again at crabby jacks. Off to the room to pack up. We headed out at 8. We stopped at outlet malls and texas roadhouse for dinner. it snowed most of the drive home but the roads were fine. We had a blast.

I hope next year some you can experince this with us. We are going the first weekend of december again. It is so worth the money spent. hell for 200.00 you get some meals, your passes and the best hotel room ever.

pics to come later

Thanksgiving...

It is that time of year again to say what you are thankful for...
I am thankful for the following
my health
my family
our home
my friends
my job

We are having thanksgivng at home this year with some friends. While we wont be seeing family I hope they enjoy their day. I hope they soon realize I did what I did because I was concerned. Last I knew that is what familys do for eachother they voice their concern.

9 days until we leave for new hampshire. I cannot wait. I need this trip. I need this time with my husband and my children to just have fun and relax and do things on our own time.

My lesson has been to stop and be thankful for the small things we do have. To turn control over to the universe and realize things will happen when they are happen and ment to be. This has been a huge struggle for me but I am doing it little by little.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday.

so very excited

I am not needing the biopsy. I got my blood results today.We were talking and going through my file at the same time. i think we found the answer to my problems. I think it has to do with some meds I was on. Now that i have been off for 2.5 weeks my numbers in my liver functions have dropped dramatically. Think the pills may have been the issue. Thank god for small miracles. i am going to continue on with the light diet for a bit but not as strict as i would have been.

i am excited that in two weeks we will be going away. Our family needs this desperately. I am excited that we are going to do this.

We are still wondering if Paul's boss is going to fire him or not. He is a egotistical jerk. He is spoiled and thinks everyone is below him. I already told paul if it happens to simply empty out his computer contents. Then find craig and let him know what his son has done. Craig likes him. Denny for some reason or another has issues with people he feels threatend by. He knows Paul is a huge asset. Sad thing his friends dont sell and they are still there. Aggervates me with favortism. I guess that is what happens when you let a little 23 year old punk run a car dealership and hasnt a clue what he is doing...

a week of liquids...

This should be easy right? I am beginning to think not. I am on day one and hating every minute of it. Who was the idiot that invented jello? Does it not weird you out the way it moves but doesnt loose shape. Yeah that is my diet for the next 7 days. If god was doing me a favor he would have moved my biopsy to the day after tday. Lord knows I dont want that meal.

What are alkaphosates and what is the puropse. I know they have something to do with the liver. They are saying that i am spilling to much and it can cause trouble with my lvier. Lucky me.

So this week ought to be hellish.

self sabatoging....

why do we do this. Instead of going for a walk or doing something productive. i am one to go to the fridge. Why is the food source of comfort for us. It has been my friend for all my life. The one thing that hasnt let me down. Sad if you ask me.

When my dad would tell me I would never amount to anything. Food was there. When my grandfather died food was there. When I came home and cried everyday after school for being teased food was my friend. Any major event in life it has been there.

I cant divorce this we need food to sustain life. I do know I am not going to allow it to control me anymore. I am going for another fill on wednesday. I am jump starting again and will succeed at this. I am going to finish losing this weight. I am going to stop allowing it to control me. I am so tried of feeling badly about myself.

I broke down yeasterday as my three year old called me fat. I know he doesnt under stand what he is saying. I have not been myself. I have forgotten the inner strength I have found. it is now time to reclaim that. I am not willing to let this go. I have given up on myself. How can you expect and accept anyone else love of you. If you cant do that yourself??

I dont think you can. I have so many doors opening up for me and I am going to walk through them with my head held high and not let my self loathing get in my way. Paul and I did a photo shoot the other night and I cant get past how bad I look. I am going to redo these photos when I have had all my surgeries and be happy at how far i have come :)

here are few of the good ones