Lonely

I have been so lonely lately. I have been wondering why. I figured it out. The close knit friends that I thought were my friends. Are gone. I asked them to go. How much effort can you put in a give only relationship. I now when I need someone to talk to i have my husband and tracy. Sometimes it would be nice to know that you had a few others to turn to.I am greatful to have those two. I guess I would just like to have a few more.

I have been stressed and tired. I have been hurting for the last month and half. I havent had time to just decompress. I am just hoping that I can get out of my funk and just keep my head up. I havent been able to do that lately. Everything seems like such a task. A chore. I am trying to stay in the holiday spirit and it is
just not working. I hate the fact everytime things look up I have another road block i am tired of struggling over and over again.

I tried to explain to Paul I feel like I am living in my own private hell. I just feel down and lonly. maybe I am who knows. I have had my meds upped and am not seeing much change.

I hope to be out of this funk soon....................