good bye 2008

A day early but with all that will be going on tomorrow. i decided to ake the quite and write. I say good by 2008. This ohad to be one of the worst years of my life. We have had to say goodbye to so many things. It has been a test in our faith and family. I think we will be ok. I think things will have to look up from here on out. I am ready for it to be one and over with.

in 2009 I am committing to the following

- rememberin that it is ok to have me time
- to spend at least a half hour a day of quality uninterupted time with my children each day
- to remember to show my husband how much i adore and love him
-to continue my sliming down journey and exercise daily
-to keep things oraganized. this was a strenght until losing my dad and is now just plain driving me batt.
to maintain a proper budget

so there are my committments.
I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday

so heartbroken

My heart is so broken. I am sitting her sobbing. I dont what makes me more mad.
1. that i gave up my parts so willingly
2. that my kids are being judged so harshly
3.that i have held out hope for over a year now that we would be placed and now that is gone.

I may look into other alturnitives who knows. I am done with department of family and services.

merry fucking christmas to my family

whats been up

i have been busy preping stuff for xmas eve dinner. i think i have the menu planned.
we will be having
turkey, sweet and russet sage mashed taters, butternut squash, green bean cassrole, vanilla glazed carrots and peas
for dessert there will be a pie or trimisu...
This will be the first xmas eve we will be hosting and I cant wait. I know my boys will be excited. I will be busy cleaning and baking this week and weekend. we are planning to go to the live nativity on the green this weekend. We are trying to remain the holiday spirit but it is taking so much work on my part. so we shall see.

I am nervous about christmas day. I havent seen or spoken to my mom in 8 weeks. I am tired of her crap. I am tired of her affecting my life negitively. I am not willing to back down. So until she can get herself together and organzied and apologize am not going to speak with her. I am fine with that.

I wish my dad were here with us. I know he will be with us in spirit. i just wish things were back to how they were.

busy...

I have been busy. Friday night Paul and I went to my aunt and uncles house to see my brothers. It was good to see the stinkers. I love them like crazy. James is as crazy as ever and Joel poor boy think he was blessed to sing...we wont tell him otherwise. Then saturday my hubby took me on a date to margaritaville in the sun casino. We also so 4 christmases hystarical. Sunday I went out with my aunt and babci to get pedis done. so nice and relaxing.

my toes look great. I love the fact that you get the parifin wax and hot stone massages. those are my favorite.

well off to see if i can find my hobby today

no need to bore you with the details

I \had a post written but tired of feeling like such a lonely loser i will spare you the borning details. another day anoter bore

Lonely

I have been so lonely lately. I have been wondering why. I figured it out. The close knit friends that I thought were my friends. Are gone. I asked them to go. How much effort can you put in a give only relationship. I now when I need someone to talk to i have my husband and tracy. Sometimes it would be nice to know that you had a few others to turn to.I am greatful to have those two. I guess I would just like to have a few more.

I have been stressed and tired. I have been hurting for the last month and half. I havent had time to just decompress. I am just hoping that I can get out of my funk and just keep my head up. I havent been able to do that lately. Everything seems like such a task. A chore. I am trying to stay in the holiday spirit and it is
just not working. I hate the fact everytime things look up I have another road block i am tired of struggling over and over again.

I tried to explain to Paul I feel like I am living in my own private hell. I just feel down and lonly. maybe I am who knows. I have had my meds upped and am not seeing much change.

I hope to be out of this funk soon....................

santa village video

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Just sad

We have 16 days till christmas. My mom still hasnt talked to me. I have emailed with no response. Would I do anything different absolutly not. Someone has to stand up for my brothers and fight for them. Do I wish she would see I was trying to help absolutly. Is that going to happen nope.
I am dreading christmas this year. I am waiting for it to turn around but I am not sure it will. My heart just aches. I ask my dad for guidence everyday but he just doesnt send an answer I am getting. I wish I had a crystal ball.

Not to mention one of my clients families have decided they dont need friday saturday care. so that changes my pay and means i am making less. I cant afford to make less right now. So now I am stressing about that. I am not sure what I will do.

Santas Village
Current mood: blessed


This weekend we went on an adventure. We had a blast. We went up north to NH. We stayed in Gorham at the Royalty Inn. It was the best experince we have ever had with a hotel. Talk about CLEAN!!!!!

The drive up was uneventful. It was gorgous. I so enjoyed just looking around at the lightly snow spotted mountins. We checked in and got everyone changed and ready for dinner. Right on cue Nate started with his fever. Great. Over to Crabby Jacks we went. 100 feet from our room door. Then Paul always thinking looked up walmart on his gps. What luck a mile away was super walmart. WOO HOO. meds for nate and drinks for the room. Didnt know they had mini fridges and microwave.

Get back and tuck everyone in to watch Drake and Josh's christmas specail. Really cute.

Kids wake at 5 am. Good lord must have been the napping in the car and a good nights sleep. so we put on toon toons and tried to finish sleeping. At 7 we are out the door to Crabby Jacks for breakfast. It is buffet style. Loved it. The food was great. We head back to the room and get showers and kids bundled. Next year ski pants for kids and thermals for the adults. It was cold. We left at 9 to go sight seeing. It was just pretty! I cant even begin to discribe the beauty up there. Still didnt see any moose but maybe next year.

1045 we arrive at santas village and get in the express line as we already have our tickets. We chatted with other families around us. You could just feel the christmas spirit around you. I really needed it that. This year things just didnt have its luster.Now I am in the mood :)We got in the first thing we went on was the carousel that was nothing but santas reindeer. Then over to the elfabet University. Had to get our stuff for the kids to do. We did all the rides we could. We ate at burgermeister for lunch. the food was excellent. We fed the reindeer. they are beautiful creatures. We had so much fun. The last ride of the night was santas monorail how gorgous the place was all lit up.

We were back to the hotel for pizza hut that night. We ordered a side of the mac and cheese pasta amazing you all need to try it. Off to bed. We got up got our breakfast yet again at crabby jacks. Off to the room to pack up. We headed out at 8. We stopped at outlet malls and texas roadhouse for dinner. it snowed most of the drive home but the roads were fine. We had a blast.

I hope next year some you can experince this with us. We are going the first weekend of december again. It is so worth the money spent. hell for 200.00 you get some meals, your passes and the best hotel room ever.

pics to come later