We are alive and kicking

I am trying everyday to remember to be humble and greatful. Yet i still have a shitty hand. I have a mom who is a mom but still isnt present. She is off doing whatever she feels like she can. Forgetting there are two kids at home who need her. She is in an all about me stage that is now going on about 11 months. Good Lord grow up. I see her myspace pictures and they disgust me. Whatever.

My brothers are doing well with thier ball games. I have to pick the youngest up tonight from the carnival as she is off somewhere. I say whatever.

Blake is keeping me on his toes. God I wish he would just behave. I dont know what to do with him. I love them both so much but he sucks the life right out of me. I am hoping with some adjusting and what not he will get back on track. Nathan is still a wild man. Dont think we will ever tame him. He is none stop. Both melt my heart daily.

The crazy is at it again. She took two bottles of pills for attention. She is not getting the attention she wants. Nor will we give it to her.

So as you know i am hanging in there.

Still Trying

I am still trying to learn how to cope with the boys autism. I find it so frustrating at times and then I have my husband who yels and screams like a friggen maniac in the morning. So you guessed it I wake in a terrible mood and am a total bitch the rest of the day. I get frustrated becasue they ruin everything they possibly can. They scream and yell and have fits the size of timbuktu. I would like to send them there most days. I am tired of the whining, the screeching and the back talk when they dont get there way.

I am tired of having to beg for help so I stop asking. I just go and deal like I always do. I continue to fester inside and hope that one day things will magically be better. I continue to hope that things will be ok. Yet they never get better. Do I have a partner in this NO. He wants to be disneyland. THe minute he is done yelling he is kissing their ass. Can I tell you how aggervating it really is.

When is my break. When do I get to just be. Have some peace and calm over this house.