what do you do when you are sad?

I write and write. I am in this funk and it is getting worse. Time to up the meds I do believe.

I am sad that I dont have my dad. I know that he is with me. I still find myself chatting at him.Like he is listening. I guess I find comfort in talking with him. I hope he listens at times. I hope he is looking after my mom.

I am so sad and so angry that she is refusing to see that I was trying to find her all the resources to help her. Yet I am the bad guy. I know she will realize it sooner or later but come on.Are you really pulling this shit around the holidays? I seriously think she is. Havent heard from her in a week. Ok I get you are angry but not let my brothers talk to me. are you serious?

I get that she is hurting. I think she has forgotten we all are hurting too. I had my breaking point today when I was born by the river came on and remembering how my dad said he loved the version jennifer hudson did on idol. It has always been one of my favorite songs. I am angry at her, angry at him for dying.

What I wouldnt give just to have our family back to normal. I have had crazy dreams about when we had his wake. I will be glad to start therapy back up. I need to have a safe place to talk and right now I dont feel like I have that. I dont have the normal life for my kids that i had. I hate that some how I always end up the bad person. Yet no one else had the balls to stand up to her and tell her to stop acting like a child.