Why am I so angry..

I have been so angry lately. I am not sure why. I think it has to do with my mom. I know I am angry at her for being such a shit lately. What am I suposed to do. I ignore her. Fine shes not talking to me. She is being a baby becasuse she is being a baby about me slapping her in the face with the truth.

she is acting like a teenager with hormones out of control, instead of a widow. i know she has needs but how about respecting herself enough not to act like a whore. i am just disgusted with her behavior. I am disgusted with how she thinks this is ok. Shit my dads body is just getting cold. i am angry because she is not being the mom we need. what about her children who are grieving? we have been basically been told to suck wind. so i guess that is what we will do.

Unfortantly for her it most likely will be to late when she is ready to come back into the picture. I am not willing to watch her do this the rest of her life. i am not willing to watch her just think what she is doing ok.

Today I have realized blood doesnt always mean family. My boys know they are loved. They know we care for them. We dont need blood all the time. love knows no boundries right? I realize that they are missing out on the type of grandparents i had. there is nothing i can do that will make it better for them. I do know it wont be for lack of trying on my part. i know we give these children everything they need and more. we have found ways to make up for it. It will be on the grandparents shoulders that they suck.

Sorry i had to get this out. it has been eating at me all day long.